I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
