True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
