If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ok first of all what the fuck
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
