so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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