Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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