If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
