I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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