Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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