I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
