it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drake has all the answers
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
