Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
