just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
