i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ladies don't puke and tell
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
