He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
