does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
