Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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