i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
