But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
