I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
