people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
