Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
