$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
