So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You can't special order awesome
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
