been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
