My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
