just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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