The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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