This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
