Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
