why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
