is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
