Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
