Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i out mim tonsoeep
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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