Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i out mim tonsoeep
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