watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
