So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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