bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize