What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
