what day is it and did you see me today?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
