What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
