Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
