Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
