If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so let's talk penis.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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