he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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