she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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