We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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