She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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