I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
