just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Two words: nipple clamps
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