ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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