Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
