i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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