dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
