White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize