i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
