he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my being single is dangerous.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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