Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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