Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
