I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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