matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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