Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
