you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
