Im at strip club and am horny
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize