So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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