I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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