he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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